Second Chances
by faynyx
Summary: Ebony Shepard's heart is broken kaiden on horizon, but she finds that there is someone else out there who loves her. Picture by Spiritius from DeviantArt
1. Chapter 1

I stepped down out of the loading bay into the Normandy, letting my team go on ahead of me and return to their posts. Neither of them wanted to mention Horizon to me right now anyway. Seeing Kaidan had broken something inside of me. Perhaps I had been holding on too tightly to the past. On to the hope, that if I could see him one more time I could make things go back to the way things were two years ago, but that dream was now shattered. Kaidan no longer trusted me because I was working with Cerberus.

Maker I needed a drink.

"Hey Commander?" Joker called from the cockpit as I wandered by. I stepped into Joker's domain taken aback by how quiet it was up here.

"Gotta love the sound proofing, huh Shepard," he asked turning his chair around to face me.

"Must be nice having this view without the distraction of the crew," I mused catching my reflection in the glass. My tall frame snug in its protective gear, my long raven hair tied back into a bun short tendrils floating around my face.

"Yeah well…" he shrugged his face losing all humor and going serious. I braced myself for what was coming, "about Horizon…"

"We were able to stop the collectors from taking about half the colony. I think that's pretty good odds considering what we were up against," I watched the stars pass by hoping he wouldn't continue.

"No… I mean that's great commander but I was referring to you running into Alenko down there."

"No offense Joker, but I really don't want to talk about it," I waved my hands dismissively, trying to blow off the whole question, when all I really wanted to do was bury my fist in a wall.

"Good 'cause I'm done asking about it," he said snidely shrugging and turning back to his console. "I just didn't want things getting all weird you know."

"Yeah Joker, I know."

His tone softened, "For what it's worth Commander I'm sorry."

"Me too…me…too," I answered dejectedly, leaving the cockpit and heading to Yeoman Chambers for a mission update. She too tried to get me to talk about horizon but I just gave her the brush off. Sensing my need to work through whatever I was feeling, she directed me to a personal message from General Hackett.

I reread the message three times disbelieving what the alliance was asking me to do.

_From: A__dmiral Hackett _

_ C__ommander __Shepard: _

_ Our scans in the A__mada system have turned up som__ething we though you should see: _

_ the final location of the wreck age of the SSV__Normandy. We though this new__s__ might be important to you but we also have and ulterior motive. The alliance would like to honor_

_ the Normandy with a monument, to be built on the site of the ship's final resting place._

_ We'd like to invite you to place the monument and be the first to __walk __on the site. _

_ There are still 20 crew member__s __unaccounted for from the attack on__the Normandy._

_ If you find any signs__of these lost crewman, we ask that you report to the alliance so_

_ that those heroes' family might find some closure. _

_ Godspeed to you, commander._

Return to the site of the original Normandy's crash and leave a commemorative statue in honor of all the soldiers' lives that were lost. He has to be kidding me, there were plenty of other alliance ships who are capable of doing this task; why in the hell would they ask me? I fumed as I sent a message back, within minutes Hackett responded with enough guilt that had me agreeing to the task. I slammed my fist into the computer desk startling the nearest crewmembers.

I pulled up the galaxy command console and sent Joker the star coordinates for the site of the crash. I stormed to the elevator and to my chambers while we traveled to our destination. We reached Alchera in just a few hours. I left everyone on the SR-2 and took a shuttle down to the planet's surface, alone.

I stepped off the shuttle, my eyes narrowed into slits, searching the bright snow-covered planet for the wreckage. I blinked several times staggered and overwhelmed with emotion, I had landed almost in the middle of the wreckage. Sorrow and anger crashed over me, this was where so many of my crewmates died. With no one to judge me; I let the tears flow freely down my face and slowly collected the dog tags of the men and woman who died that day. I spent hours sifting through the wreckage, until I found every tag to return to their family members. Memories flooded me as I worked through the remains of the ship, images of every person whose lives had once intertwined with mine. Some of those memories were of people who still lived and others of people who had died before the crash.

Ashley.

I stood in the armory of the ship where Ashley had often spent her time and gingerly touched her workstation. How many times had I stood there with her joking about Kaidan and Joker? How often had we debated God and philosophy? She had been the closest thing to a sister I had known. Choosing between her and Alenko had been one of the hardest moments in my life. I had chosen to save him but not because of the how I felt for him. The bomb had to be the priority. I didn't choose him over her, I chose the mission. I always did, if that bomb hadn't gone off…I shook my head sadly I didn't want to think about it anymore there was no changing history now.

I sighed suddenly weary; I was ready to get off this godforsaken planet. I wanted to be back on my ship, as far away from this planet and this graveyard as possible. I found the hull of the Normandy and placed the markers for the commemorative statue signaling the SR2 to lower it. I watched as it dropped slowly into place. Satisfied that Hackett would be happy I turned to head back to my shuttle. Out of the corner of my eye, a glint of light caught my attention I frowned thoughtfully and followed the shining object. I brushed the snow away revealing my old N7 helmet.

I could not breathe.

I collapsed to my knees, mind-numbing pain wracking my body. Shaking I cried out in anguish, pouring out all the grief I had tried to hide behind a calm facade. Sobs wracked my frame and I let myself weep my fingers clenching the helmet. I rocked back and forth cradling the helmet in my hands…this was my grave. When the tears ran dry and my body had gone numb, I managed to pick myself slowly up from the ground my eyes downcast. Returning to the Normandy I ignored all the questioning glances the looks of sympathy and headed straight to my quarters, pausing only to leave the tags with Kelly Chambers and an order to dock back at the Citadel.

I sat the N7 helmet on the corner of my desk and pulled my hair free of its usual bun. Cold and sad, I stripped off my uniform and stepped under the hot spray of the shower, trying to scrub away the disappointment and grief of the day. An hour or so later, the water finally turned cold and I wrapped a towel around myself, stepping out into my quarters my long black hair fluttering around my body. I dressed in a black and white Cerberus uniform, sighing I sat on the end of the bed. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, burying my face in my hands defeated. Between Horizon and the Normandy wreckage, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and wallow in my own self-pity. I lowered my hands to my knees and stared at them blindly. They didn't even look the same, why hadn't I noticed that before now? The scar on my left pinky finger was gone, a remnant of my youth from the colonies I had grown up in before…no, I didn't want to remember that in addition to everything else tonight. I traced my finger absently with my right hand and noticed my birthmark that used to be in between my thumb and forefinger was missing as well.

If everything that made me who I was no longer existed, what did that mean for me? Was I even real?

I never thought I would miss the marks that defined me but now that they were gone, I craved to have them back. Cerberus may have given me back my life but it had taken everything from me as well…"oh Kaidan." I murmured...maybe he was right maybe I didn't know who I was anymore.

"You look like you could use a drink commander," Joker said surprising me out of my quiet reflection. I lifted my head to see him leaning against the side of my fish tank his arms folded over his chest.

"Wow Joker, this is a rare occasion I must mark this on my calendar," I said dryly trying to crack a joke.

"Man things are worse than what I thought if you can't even make a witty comeback," he teased.

"What can I say Joker not all of us have a million one liners ready at a moment's notice," I replied tiredly.

He walked slowly down the stairs into my living quarters and sat carefully on my end table across from me from one of his large cargo pockets he produced a flask, "I was serious about that drink Captain. I even brought my favorite whiskey from my own stock." He waved the flask proudly.

The corners of my lips turned up into a slight smile, "and me without my shot glass."

Joker grinned wickedly and slipped his hand into another pocket producing two shot glasses. I shook my head with mirth and accepted a now full shot glass. "My momma always taught me to come prepared."

"So what are we drinking to Joker? I asked lifting my head up and meeting his eyes.

He raised his glass in the air, "To the last two years commander, Screw um." The sound of our glasses clinking filled the air and I took the shot in one large swallow the whiskey burning as it flowed down my throat and leaving warmth in my belly. Joker reached over and filled my glass again, "What's your toast Shepard?"

I sat quietly for a long time my mind reliving all the important moments: Kaidan flirting with me in the galley, Kaidan helping me to my feet after we were grounded, Kaidan and I making love for the first time, Kaidan in the escape pod screaming my name. Pulling Joker from the pilots seat after the attack, watching Jokers face as I hit the door latch locking him inside and drifting off into space… Jokers face filled with horror…Jokers eyes as he watched me die… I blinked rapidly coming back to the present, staring at the man who had been my friend, who had stood by me then and who still stood by me.

His concerned eyes watched my face carefully "Captain, you okay?" he asked frowning slightly.

I shook my head clearing my thoughts, "yeah, I think so." I raised my glass touching his lightly. "To memories may the one that matter stay with us forever and the rest go to hell." I tipped my head back letting the contents drain down my throat.

Joker filled our glasses again, "Thank you Joker."

"For what captain?" he asked tossing back another shot.

I swallowed the contents quickly, "For always being here when I need you without asking and always knowing exactly what I need before I do."

"Aww shucks Captain, I think you're a little drunk," he smiled pouring the last of his flask into his glass.

I chuckled, "Not yet but I will be." I stood crossing the room and opened my desk drawer pulling out a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy and waving it in the air. "Shall we?"

"Bring it on Shepard," he grinned swallowing the last shot.

An empty bottle or two later…

Joker sat half passed out on the couch beside me. "The worst part is the invasion of my privacy it's like having my mother looking over my shoulder."

I laughed, "EDI's not that bad Joker."

"Says you, I mean come on Captain. It's constantly telling me things I already know and it deleted several of my bookmarks off the extranet," he sighed.

"How many of them were Asari porn?"

"Wha…Come one Shepard I look at more than just that," he grumbled but didn't meet my eyes.

"Not often Mr. Moreau," EDI chimed in.

"Ack the voice is back Shepard, where did the booze go?"

I giggled watching Joker search blindly around for the last bottle.

"Commander, should I have one of the members of the crew come carry Mr. Moreau to his quarters?" EDI asked.

"Oh hell no, I am not being carried by anyone," he cursed leaning too far over the edge of the couch. I watched him fall in what felt like slow motion. i dove forward shifting in midair sliding underneath him so he landed on top of me, face to face.

"Oaf…," I grunted losing all the air in my lungs.

"Quick work there cap'n, cause that would have just sucked to have my buzz ruined by a visit to Dr Chakwas."

"No problem," I wheezed.

"You know Shepard your really pretty this close up," he complimented me.

"Thanks Joker," I accepted the compliment, rolling him off me gently and offered him a hand up off the floor. "EDI joker will be bunking here for the night, best if we just let Mr. Moreau sleep it off."

"Nice capt'n cause you've got the best chambers in the whole ship," he rambled while I helped him stand. Slinging his arm over my shoulders, we both stumbled to the bed. I sat him down on the right side of the bed and knelt between his legs to remove his shoes. He sat quietly watching me through half-open lids.

"You know I was being serious right? About you being pretty that is," he slurred.

"Yes Joker and thank you. But I think we both need to sleep now," I tugged his left boot free and sat it next to his right one.

Joker reached his hand down cupping my face, raising my chin to meet his eyes. "I always thought Kaidan was the luckiest sum-a-bitch this side of the Galaxy. Now…now I think he's a fool for letting you go."

"Jeff…" I whispered barely breathing.

"You know it was just as hard for me these last two years, first I had to watch you die then I had to live with the knowledge that they were trying to piece you back together. Two years they had you and I couldn't go near you." He leaned down placing the barest of kisses on my forehead. "I was lost without you Ember, we all were but memories of that day still haunt me. It was my fault that you died; my fault that Cerberus had to bring you back. My fault that I never had the guts to tell you how much you meant to me."

I could sparsely speak but managed to whisper through dry lips, "Tell me now then, how much did I mean to you Jeff?"

"Too much captain," he pulled his face back from my forehead and peered down at me. "Two years ago I couldn't offer you anything my condition was to progressive, but it didn't stop me from wanting you and dying inside as I watched you give you heart to another.

"A lot has changed in two years Joker," I murmured licking my lips biting the bottom lip unconsciously.

"I know Shepard, Cerberus may be the devil but they've given me a second chance too. I know I can't be Kaidan but I can be the man for you."

"Jeff," I whispered a tear slipping down my cheek. "I never knew."

"I know Shepard but I want you to know now. I love you Ember have since the first time I pretty much laid eyes on you." He lowered his face and kissed me softly on the lips. I didn't move I barely even breathed. Joker was kissing me… no… Jeff was kissing me, the pilot who had saved me ass on countless occasions, the comrade who always had something to say to make me smile and the friend who had always been there for me.

I closed my eyes and kissed him back opening my mouth and darting my tongue in-between his lips. He let out a sigh and buried his fingers in my waist length raven hair. I placed a hand on each side of his legs as I knelt, arching up and offering him full access to my mouth to feast upon. His lips claimed mine possessively our lips tasting each other our tongues danced together in an age-old dance.

"Commander," EDI's voice droned in the background breaking our concentration. I drew back from joker my lips swollen from his kisses.

"EDI Go Away," I demanded. "In fact do not disturb me for the next 12 hours and give the crew the next 24 hours off."

"Acknowledged, logging you out Shepard."

"Twelve hours commander? I don't know if I have that kind of stamina." Jeff joked.

"Well let's find out," I replied a crooked smile crossing my face as I pushed him lightly back on the bed.

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><p><strong><em>this is my first time writing joker and shepard together i hope i do him justice. i love this pairing i think it would be possible because they are the two set characters from the games hes been the one constant in her life. he never stops believeing in her even when she doubts herself hes there with smile and a smooth line.<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

bioware owns all rights to mass effect and the characters...

**rated M for sexual situations and language**

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><p>10 hours later…<p>

I woke to the light caress of soft fingers drawing lazy circles on my hipbone. My head pounded with the after effects of the alcohol. Long slender fingers traced the contour of my body raising goose bumps on my flesh. The warmth of my partner's naked skin pressed solidly against my back. My head thudded, my pulse pounded in my ears and I tried to recall the details of last night.

'Fuck,' I thought I remembered having a few drinks with Joker and then him falling. Was that who was in my bed? My eyes opened wide and fought against the darkness of the room.

Joker… Jeff… shit…

I rolled over slowly looking to see if my conclusion was correct.

"Mornin' commander," he grinned at me.

I smiled shyly, "Good morning Joker."

His arm snaked across my side as he pulled me closer to him. "Last night was fucking amazing Shepard," he said nuzzling my cheek.

"I'm glad you thought so," I replied searching my blank memory. What the fuck did I do last night?

"Oh you didn't think so?" he teased.

"Truth is Jeff, I don't…" I gasped as flashes flitted through my memory.

_His lips touch my breasts; long_ _fingers caress the folds between my legs delicately touching my most sensitive spot._

"Shepard?" his said voice concerned.

I laughed softly, "I was going to say I didn't remember but it seems that is no longer the case."

He grinned wickedly, pushing me slowly onto my back and sliding between my legs, "Or I could just give you a reminder." His erection pressed against my welt folds. I moaned and rubbed my groin against his. My eyes fluttering shut.

_His mouth suckles my breast tenderly as my hand reaches between his legs cupping him in the palm of my hand. His eyes gaze into mine as I guide him inside of me._

My eyes flew open as the memories receded. A breath I had been holding escaped my lips. Joker watched my face carefully. My eyes searched his features, he was eager but wasn't going to push his advance instead he waited for me to make the next move. I place a palm on his chest feeling the muscles ripple under my fingers. I trailed my hand up over his neck into his short dark brown hair. I smirked, how often had I wondered at the color and texture. This had to be the only time I had ever seen him without a hat on. Curious about the destination of said hat I peeked over his shoulder my eyes surveying the room and locating it resting on top of one of my ship replicas.

I chuckled to myself even when he was off duty his hat still thought it had to be in charge.

_My fingers traced his jaw lifting his hat with my other hand I sat it on top of my head. Standing and unbuttoning my Cerberus uniform slowly. Pushing the top of my shoulders and letting it drop to the floor at my feet. Joker watched me from the edge of the bed propping up on his elbows for a better view, I kick my shoes off as I pushed my pants over my hips and down my legs. I stand in front of him my legs spread slightly apart clad only in my lingerie and his SR2 cap. He lifts up gingerly from the bed and pulls his shirt over his head. It too joins the rest of the discarded clothing. His hands grasp my hips, whose size I have always hated for being too wide, pulling me towards him. My breasts sit directly at his eye level, he kisses the valley between them tracing the curves with his tongue. I tangle my fingers in his hair and feel his fingers unhook the back of my bra, tugging it off my shoulders._

I snap back to reality my fingers still intertwined in his hair and pull his lips down to mine. His lips worked furiously against mine, all tongues and teeth. I matched his kisses with fervor, running my hands restlessly through his hair over his back and down the curve of his ass. I dug my fingernails into the flesh of his butt sighing into his mouth. I raised my knees cradling him between my thighs. He rocked his hips against mine rubbing his hard length against my moist folds and throbbing clit.

_We were both naked writhing in the middle of the mattress. I sat astride him my head flung back, my hair cascading like black oil down my back. My hips ground against his. His hands cupped my breasts, massaging them with nimble fingers. I reached behind our thrusting bodies and cupped his balls in my hand, he gasped as I squeezed them tightly in my palm. I rocked my hips faster against his, working him furiously in and out. His hands release my breast grabbing my hips and furiously lifted them as he pounded into me. Sweat streaked my sleek form and beaded on his forehead. I slump forward releasing his ball sack. My hands fisted into the pillow by his head. Our mouths locked together and his hands spread my legs farther apart as he pumped vigorously into me._

Our mouths were locked together, his breath became my breath, yet I couldn't breathe. Our mouths broke from our kiss and I gasped for breath. He lowered his mouth to my neck, kissing slowly to my breast. He sucked the nipple slowly into his mouth, I watched him through half open eyelids.

'Damn,' I thought. The flashes of last night were so hot they were driving me crazy. My skin was already coated with a fine sheen of sweat and the ache between my legs was growing, I was moist hot and most defiantly ready.

Jeff bit my nipple and I arch off the sheets moaning my pleasure. I slid my hand between us grabbing a hold of his erection slick with my juices, running my index finger down the throbbing vein to just under the base of him, to the spot just above his sack. Adding a little pressure with the tip of my finger I felt him jerk above me releasing my breast from his mouth.

"Ember…" he started his voice husky.

"Jeff, fuck me now I can't take much more of the teasing," I pleaded.

"But Shepard I haven't…" he said breaking off as I grabbed his member and pressed it against my hot wet opening.

"Jeff, please," I begged opening my legs as far apart as I could manage. He grunted burying his face in my shoulder and thrust his hips forward burying himself deep inside of me. It felt so good I almost came, my body vibrating with the sensations. He worked slowly in and out of me searching for that spot special inside of me. I shuttered when he finally found it, he lifted his head and grinned wickedly down at me as he rammed himself over it again and again.

The walls echoed with the sounds of my moans of me urging Jeff to move faster, begging him to take me harder. Sweat dripped off his forehead down onto my face, my hips arched against his, meeting each of his thrusts. Inside I could feel the orgasm building towards its apex, knowing any second I would be riding over the edge.

_I knelt on the bed Joker was on his knees behind me; his hands grasped tightly on my hips, his erection driving in and out of my tight hole. My face buried into the pillow, drowning out my screams of pleasure. My hands flailed about searching for something to hold onto and meeting the flesh of his thighs, digging my fingernails into meat of his legs. His quick intake of breath, his pace increased; my name spills from his lips, he grips me tighter against him and pours his seed deep into my womb._

I open my eyes blindly searching for his. They meet and the pressure building between my legs explodes sending me over the edge into the pleasure abyss. Everything I had experienced before paled in comparison to going over the edge and drowning in my climax. If my walls hadn't been sound proofed, I would have screamed my release to the Normandy and beyond. My muscles clenched around Joker's erection milking him until his cries joined mine. I raked my nails down his back pushing him into me further, I cried out again in pleasure, re-clenching my muscles around him. He cried out above me pushing into me deeper we continued like this until stated and finally unable to move, we lay together our bodies still intertwined listening to the beating of each other's hearts.

"Good morning Shepard," EDI's voiced chimed.

I scowled at her timing. "Unless its life or death EDI I don't care right now, so go away." I yelled throwing a pillow across the room towards her console.

"As you command Sheppard," she said logging off.

"I tell you it's just like my mother always showing up at the most inconvenient times," Jeff glowered.

"Could have been worse, she could have interrupted us in the middle instead of waiting till we were done."

"Shit, Ember now I'm gonna be thinking about EDI knowing about us every time I'm in the pilot seat."

I laughed pulling him against me and hitting him lightly with the remaining pillow.

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><p>i wasnt originally planning on writing a second chapter but i left the first one so open i just couldnt get it out of my mind so here is our love scene between joker and shepard. complete with flashbacks of the night before.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

bioware owns all rights to mass effect and the characters...

**rated M for sexual situations and language**

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><p>Since our nightmorning together I had avoided being alone with Joker. My emotions were too conflicted over my past feelings for Kaidan and my new feelings for Jeff. Even though Kaidan had made it very clear on horizon that he didn't love me anymore, or trust me I felt foolish falling into the next set of willing arms. Sex was good, healthy even, but sex with a friend who had deep feelings for you while you are unsure about your own mindset is a bad combination. Even the idea of talking to him about what had occurred scared the hell out of me. So I had spent little time on the Normandy, opting instead to recruit more members from the dossiers that Miranda had given me from the illusive man.

I sighed closing my email and rubbing my face tiredly. Every mission had been back to back with me only catching a few hours of sleep during the travel time between each destination. I couldn't keep it up much longer and either could my team, even though they were rotating each time we went out. I could tell they were beginning to wear thin.

So I had just sent a message giving everyone much needed shore leave. The Normandy was headed into Ilium, I had chosen this destination for two reason there were a couple of new crew members there I needed to pick up and the city was supposed to be one of the most beautiful of the Asari worlds. Of course that would be after I had gotten some rest. Tiredly, I wondered if Jeff had ever been to Ilium in the last two years.

Everyone seemed to think their sudden shore leave was to allow me time to cope with what happened on Horizon. They didn't understand that I was barely holding on by my fingernails, being around Garrus and Tali helped me feel like no time had passed. Listening to Jeff's comments on the com channel was even better. I had been sinking inside, Horizon just happened to be the icing on the cake. If Jeff hadn't come to my room that night, I know I would have fallen to pieces and I don't know if I could have pulled myself back together. Being with Jeff saved something inside of me, it made me want to live not just exist as I had been doing since my resurrection. Thinking of him brought a sharp pain to my chest and a flutter to my stomach.

I pulled up my email and shot him a quick message, requesting his presence in my quarters once the crew deck was empty. It was time we talked, I couldn't avoid him forever. I paced my chambers while I waited. Shuffling back and forth between my work area and living quarter's rearranging papers and decorations to keep my hands busy. Giving up I wandered into my private bath, washing my face and brushing my teeth, trying to calm my nerves. Through the walls I heard the sound of my door sliding open and the unmistakable footfalls of my genius pilot. I took a deep breath, letting a slow smile flit across my lips and exited the bathroom.

"Commander?" he called looking around the room.

"Hello Jeff," I drawled from the doorway. I smiled at him as I leaned against the bathrooms frame my arms crossed across my chest.

He jumped almost a foot in the air. "Shit commander," he cussed holding his hand to his chest over his heart. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's cruel to make the cripple jump? I could have broken something."

I laughed, "Please we both know you've held up better under me than a simple scare will ever do to you."

"Yeah well, I don't like to brag," he grinned.

"Yes you do," I grinned unfolding myself from the door way. "Come," I called walking past him and sitting down on the couch.

He followed me down the stairs and sitting on the edge of my bed, "I don't want to complain about the private time with you Shepard, but you've been downright cold towards me since… well you know. So let's get to the point here; what's going on?"

I leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my face in the palms of my hands. "Everyone's had two years to deal with their emotions and shit. Me, I've only been back for a few weeks. Everything feels like it just happened yesterday," I sighed deeply lowering my eyes to the floor. "You've got to give me sometime Jeff. I'm not saying what happened between us was wrong, I'm just saying it might have been too soon. Up until horizon, I dunno, I guess I just thought if I could see him again, things would go back to the way things were before…"

"Before what commander? Before you died? Before we all mourned you?" he said snidely.

I raised my head up, a single glittering tear slid down my face, "Yes, before I died."

"Aww shit commander, I'm sorry I… you, god damn it. I'm not good at this," he growled maneuvering his way over to the coffee table and sitting in front of me.

"Our night together haunts me Jeff," I whispered looking him in the eyes. "It plays over and over in my mind. I had no right to bring you into my bed before my feelings for Kaidan were situated. You mean so much more to me than just a quick fling."

"I wouldn't say it was quick," he smirked.

A small smile quirked my lips, "No, I wouldn't either."

"So what now Ember?" he asked.

"I'd kinda like to do this the old fashioned way."

"Excuse me, huh commander?" he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I want us to mean more to each other than our time between the sheets, or on board this ship. I'd like to go out and spend time with you Jeff," I answered shyly.

His face scrunched in horror, "You mean in out in public? Where there are other people? On like a date, date?"

"Yes, Jeff a date," I laughed at his expression. "You would think I just asked you to take on a thresher maul or something."

"Shit, commander at least with a thresher I know what I'm supposed to do."

"Gesh, Jeff it's a date not rocket science," I frowned.

"Does this mean sex is out of the question until then?"

"Well," I drawled biting my lip.

"Wait, don't answer that. I'd rather thing about you jumping me anywhere and everywhere for no reason." He grinned, standing up.

I laughed shooing him from my chambers, the sound of it echoing into hallway and following him into the elevator.

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><p><em>this chapter was stiing in my notebook begging to be typed up and shared with everyone ;)<em>


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jeff reclined in the pilot's seat his thoughts on Shepard. She was confusing him. They had already crossed one boundary by him sharing his feelings for her and another one by having sex. Now she wanted to backtrack, to make something real out of their jump-started relationship. In his mind they were already together, they didn't need to go through the ritual of courtship. He would be happy just having a quite dinner in her room. But, no she wanted an actual date, to spend some time with him in public alone for some reason. Sesh… women.

The thought of a public date scared the hell out of him. In the pilot seat and aboard the Normandy, he was in control. He knew what to do, how to do it and when it needed to be done. There was no doubt aboard the ship only absolute confidence in his kick ass flying abilities, but out there where others could see him… could judge him, and Shepard, that was a whole different story. He was used to the stares she wouldn't be. Not that he thought she would care.

He'd never been particularly good with women. He was not suave like Garrus, or built like Jacob, those two could get their pick of any women on any planet. They would know how to treat a woman like Ember, but for some reason she picked him to turn to. Jeff knew Kaidan had hurt her on horizon and as angry as he was with Kaidan for hurting her, Jeff couldn't stay upset with him. Other than himself, Kaidan had been broken the most by Shepard's "death". Unlike Jeff though, Kaidan didn't know what he did about Shepard's resurrection, he had been there though it.

Kaidan had been accepted back into the alliance; Jeff had been put behind a desk and given evaluation after evaluation over the destruction of the original Normandy. No matter how many times he said the same thing they refused to accept his story about the reapers. He knew firsthand how Shepard felt; it was like beating your head against a wall, trying to save people too stupid to save themselves. After fighting with the alliance, they relieved him of duty, medical leave they called it. He called it bullshit. No one wanted the pilot of the ship that lost the first human specter.

Cerberus approached him shortly after that, he originally told them to piss off but Miranda was a persistent bitch. She first tried convincing him to help Cerberus stop the reapers. He shut the door in her face. Without Shepard, there to lead them there was no point. The next time Miranda contacted him she told him that Shepard was alive this had gotten his attention. He demanded to see her; he would not sign on to this project until he could see with his own eyes that Ember was still alive. He shuddered at the image of her then, alive wasn't the word he would have used. Being pieced back together was a closer description, course that was two years ago.

It was only afterwards that Miranda told him about the ship they were building that would be a replica of the original Normandy, only in larger scale with massive upgrades. Cerberus may have been bastards but they brought back one of the most important things in his life, well two if you counted the ship. They might have funded this project but they were still the enemy, Jeff knew that. Shepard may be working with them for now but she would work with the devil himself if it meant saving more lives from the collectors. Some day Kaidan would understand, but by then it would be too late for him to win back Embers heart and the flyboy would have the girl instead. He grinned.

"Mr. Moreau you have been sitting there with your eyes closed for 6.43 minutes would you like for me to assume control of the Normandy?

"Like hell you will," he growled his eyes flying open. His thoughts wandered as they traveled toward Ilium. Jeff didn't know the first thing about setting up a date. Every woman he had been with before had only been friends with benefits. He had never wanted to spend more than a few hours with a woman, until Shepard. With her, he was always finding excused to be in her presence. Running into her in the mess hall, idle conversation as she made her rounds checking on the crew, she always made a point to stop and share details of each mission with him after she had spoken to everyone else. Often she reclined in the copilots' seat watching him as she regaled her tales. Hell, in the last five years he could count on one hand the number of women he had been with not including Ebony. She was in a class of her own. Smart, sexy and funny, well she tried to be funny which was funny on its own.

He thought long and hard about where he would take her and what they would do. After they docked at the spaceport in Ilium, he poured over the extranet while Shepard, Garrus and Tali hunted down a justicar named Samara and an assassin name Thane Krios. While she fought mercenaries and gang members, he planned their first date, one he hoped she would never forget. He wasn't big on dancing, so all the clubs were out. So where the strip joints, although he knew his girl admired a beautiful body as much as he did, he didn't think it had the right feel for alone time for the two of them.

Truth be told, what she needed more than anything was just some time to relax. He grinned broadly, as an idea began to form, he switched to his Omni tool and began calling up reservations for the two of them. He sent Ember a request for shore leave and another to an old friend asking for some help. Once he was finished he sat back with his hands behind his head like a pillow and waited.


End file.
